My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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