I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
