totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
