Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
