I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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