Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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