i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
