i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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