I just saw a hot homeless man
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
