You can't motorboat a personality
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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