Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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