Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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