He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
