he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
