so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
