is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
