ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
