I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
