i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
