i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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