There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
