like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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