I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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