i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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