Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
