I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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