**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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