her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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