There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
