im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize