just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
