I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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