my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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