wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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