Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
