i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
