I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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