barbara walters just said penis...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am mentally ready for anal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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