at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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