What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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