Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
