he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
