Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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