and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
