They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
