he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
