She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
