dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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