just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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