I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sarcasm needs its own font
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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