you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
