you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
