a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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