Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
