One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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