Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
