I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
