I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
