i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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