Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
