with your own penis?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
