We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
