dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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