So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If its not for food we ain't going out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
