Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
