Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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