Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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