I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
