I heard we made out
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
