I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
