it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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