I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
