That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
