I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
