I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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