I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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