Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
a search helicopter?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
