Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
